


Tell Me Something Good...

by Aelia_Gioia



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, M/M, Marriage, Sexting, Sneaky Sex, Weddings, flirty texts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 12:01:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,754
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19272880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aelia_Gioia/pseuds/Aelia_Gioia
Summary: The morning of David and Patrick's wedding, they exchange a series of texts that get increasingly dirtier.They sneak away for much-needed alone time during the reception.





	Tell Me Something Good...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Stargatewars](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stargatewars/gifts).



It all began with text messages. 

They had been exchanging sweet and sort of flirty texts all morning.  

  

7:30 am: 

 _Good morning former boyfriend, current fiancé and future husband._  

 **Good morning Babe. Sleep well?**  

 _Yeah. I slept alone, but well._  

 **Lol, I sincerely hope you slept alone last night David. Definitely not sleeping alone tonight though.**  

 _VERY interested in talking about that._  

 

8:05 am: 

 **T-minus 2 hours!**  

 _I know. I’m so excited._  

 **Me too. I love you.**  

 _I love you too._  

 

8:45 am: 

 _Ok, not gonna lie, I’m starting to get nervous now._  

 **Should I be concerned? Is today about to turn into a Julia Roberts movie?**  

 _Nope. I just hope everything turns out ok._  

 **All I want is to be married at the end of the day. I don’t care if the venue burns down.**  

 _You think the paper lanterns are a fire hazard?! Should I tell Stevie to take them all down?!_  

 **David.**  

 _Overthinking?_  

 **Big time.**  

 _Ok._  

 _Thanks._  

 

9:03 am: 

 _Don’t freak out but I might have to go to the ER._  

 **WHAT?!**  

 **ANSWER THE PHONE!!!**  

 **WHAT HAPPENED?**  

 **DAMMIT DAVID ANSWER!!**  

 **I swear to god David I'm going to head over there right now if someone doesn’t tell me what the fuck is going on!**  

 **WHY ISN’T STEVIE ANSWERING EITHER?**  

 _I’m ok. I hit my head. Really really hard._  

 **Oh god…Babe are you ok?**  

 _Yeah._  

 

9:07 am: 

 _Aren’t you going to ask me how my head is?_  

 **How’s your head?**  

 _I’ve never had any complaints._  

 _;)_  

 **Did you just invent a head injury on our wedding day for the sole purpose of making a blowjob joke?**  

 _Yeah._  

 **Jesus fuck, David.**  

 _Mm. I’ve made you say that more than a few times. You’re usually pulling my hair when you say it._  

 

9:15 am: 

 _Tell me if this is weird:_  

 **Oh boy.**  

 _It just occurred to me that after tonight…my parents will know for sure that I’ve had sex._  

 _And it feels awkward._  

 **Seriously?**  

 **Like…**  

**Didn’t your dad basically walk in on you a few times?**

_I mean, yes but…_  

 _I dunno. Don’t you feel weird about it? Everyone’s going to be looking at us knowing that we’re gonna fuck tonight._  

 **I really wasn’t thinking about it but thanks for planting that idea in my head.**  

 _Hey, we’re almost married – what’s weird to me has to be weird to you too._  

 

9:30 am 

 _I can’t wait to see you._  

 **I can’t wait to tear that tux off of you. You have no idea.**  

 _Ok, for the purposes of dirty texting –_ _YES_ _PLEASE. tear away_  

 _(but please don’t tear these pants. I like them.)_  

 **Understood.**  

 

9:36 am: 

 _So, you were saying something about wanting to tear my tux off?_  

 **Mmhmm. It’s been all I’ve thought about all morning. I’m so sexually frustrated.**  

 _You’re the one who wanted to abstain this week._  

 **And believe me, it hasn’t been easy. Esp at work when you wore those tight pants on Tuesday, it was torture.**  

 _Why do you think I wore the tight pants? Didn’t you think it was strange that I kept dropping stuff?_  

 **YOU SUCK.**  

 _I do suck._  

 _Really, really well if I do say so myself._  

 **…**  

 _Do you disagree?_  

 

9:38 am:

_Hello?_

 

9:40 am: 

 _Patrick?_  

 **Sorry. Not ignoring you, just trying to get this massive erection to go away before we have to stand in front of literally everyone we know.**  

 _Mmm. All I took away from that text is that you have a massive erection right now._  

 **U R NOT HELPING**  

 _Do me a favor?_  

 **If the favor is to actually DO YOU, the answer is yes.**  

 _Fuck. That’s better than what I was gonna say._  

 **Well now you have to tell me.**  

 _It’s probably not going to help with your current situation…_  

 **I’m willing to take the risk.**  

 _Send me a picture._  

 **Seriously?**  

_Please? Pretty Please?_

**We’re getting married in 20 minutes and you’re asking for a dick pic?**  

 _Mmhmm. You're not the only one who's really fucking horny. Show me your cock Patrick._  

 **Oh I’ll show it to you all right.**  

 **When I fuck your mouth with it later.**  

 **Is that what you want to hear?**  

 **You want to hear about how fucking hard I am just thinking about what I’m gonna do to you tonight?**  

 

9:49 am 

 _A VIDEO? YOU SENT ME A VIDEO?!_  

 _That’s NOT fair!_  

 **Oh, I’m sorry** **Babe** **. I thought a quick video of me jerking off would please you.**  

 **Since you wanted a dick pic so badly.**  

 _You’ve created a significant problem for me now._  

 **That’s funny, I feel very relaxed all of a sudden.**  

 _Did you have to moan my name? Did you have to narrate the whole thing?_  

 **I think we both know the answer to those questions, David.**  

 

9:55 am 

 **Before I turn my phone off…how many times did you watch the video?**  

 _Exactly 1.75 times. That’s all it took._  

 **Hehe ok, Quickdraw McGraw.**  

 _You won’t be saying that later. Oh wait, you won’t be able to TALK later._  

 **Looking forward to it.**  

 **Ok, my Dad is signaling me. Guess I have to go get married now.**  

 _What a coincidence! I’m gonna go get married too! Love you._  

 **Love you most.**  

 

The wedding went off without a hitch. As they stood in the receiving line, almost everyone complimented them on how relaxed and calm they were. Patrick caught David’s eye and winked at him with a smirk.  

Patrick's childhood best friend Will made a toast that made him laugh and embarrassed him.

“Patrick,  we grew up together.  When we were eight, we melted GI Joes in your mother’s microwave, sorry Marcy. When we were 12, we almost blew up my dad’s garage playing with fireworks after Victoria Day. You used your paper route money to pay for the candy bars I stole from the corner store. When we got older, we would lie to our parents about going camping so we could go to concerts or to see the  Leafs  or the Raptors play at the Air Canada Centre. When my daughter was born, you were the first person at the hospital. When my mom got sick, you called every day to check on me and you went to see her once a week. In short, you’re the one person who’s always had my back. You’re better than family to me. I love you, man. I’m so happy for you both.”

Stevie kept her toast short and to the point:

“David, you were a thorn in my side when we first met…”

David got very cuddly during the speeches, he blushed and laughed and got misty. Patrick put his arm around his shoulders and pulled him in close. Despite David voicing annoyance at the custom of newlyweds kissing every time someone started clinking a spoon against their water glass, he took every opportunity to kiss Patrick. 

As the night wore on, jackets came off, sleeves got rolled up, the sun set, the drinks were kicking in, and the music got louder. The youngest and oldest guests went home. The true turn in the evening came when Ronnie requested the DJ play _Tell Me Something Good_ by Chaka Khan _._  

It turned out to be the unexpectedly perfect song for Patrick to slot his thigh between David’s, push his hand into his back pocket and hold on tight. David bit his lower lip, loving the friction and wanting more. The eye contact was intense as they rolled their hips into each other. Every time David leaned in for a kiss, Patrick pulled away. It only fueled the fire that was burning inside them both to get their wedding night underway. David slipped out of his grasp, spun on his heel and started pressing his ass into Patrick’s groin. Patrick responded to his husband’s sexual taunting by holding him around the waist and grinding into him as hard as he dared in front of their parents.  

Patrick’s cheeks were already red from the freely flowing Crown Royal and from dancing so much but there was no mistaking the flush of arousal that was rising up from under his unbuttoned dress shirt. David reached behind him and grabbed hold of one side of Patrick’s suspenders. Any gap; any “room for Jesus” (as the nuns at Patrick’s high school would have said) was obliterated.  

They didn’t let up on the grinding or eye-fucking when Chaka and Rufus gave way to Usher, Lil Jon and Ludacris. No one who saw  _Cabaret_ would have mistaken Patrick for a trained “dancer” but David had no complaints.  Any playfulness in the way they were dancing was gone. Patrick spun David around and pulled him into a blistering kiss. 

“I need a minute,” David shouted loudly enough for Patrick to hear him. He fanned his face with his hand. 

They left the dance floor hand in hand, approaching the bar. David asked for a glass of water and a double vodka soda, Patrick asked for another Crown Royal. David gulped down the water in two mouthfuls and leaned one elbow on the bar, watching their guests dance. Patrick sat on a bar stool and was nursing his drink. He gently pulled David back into him and they kissed lazily. 

“I’m really glad I decided to invest in your business, David,” he whispered while nipping at David’s earlobe. 

The left side of David’s mouth curled upward and he bit his lip. That sentence held a lot of emotional currency. A sentimental spark hit his heart; a second, more erotic one made his cock twitch. He leaned into Patrick and whispered in his ear. 

“Let’s get out of here.” 

Patrick’s face went blank for a second. “We…can’t just leave.”  

David took his hand and looked around to make sure no one noticed they were leaving. Patrick allowed David to pull him towards the small room off to the corner. It was a little lounge area where the wedding party stored their personal items. As soon as the door was closed, David pounced. 

He pushed Patrick backward until he was pressed against a countertop near a mirror. Patrick swatted his hand at him and grabbed a firm hold of his belt. He yanked David into his chest and buried his tongue in his mouth. Their hands blindly clawed at each other’s pants while the passion of their kissing increased. The next thing David knew, Patrick was pushing his pants and boxer briefs down. Then he lifted him off his feet and spun around, perching David’s bare ass on the counter.  

David adjusted his position and with a swipe of his hand, knocked all of Alexis’s makeup to the floor. Patrick pulled a condom out of his back pocket and yanked his suspenders down. David’s chest was heaving with anticipation. Patrick stroked his hand up and down his cock twice before he rolled the condom on. 

They grunted and groaned simultaneously when Patrick thrusted past the tight circle of muscle. David was breathing heavy but he’d had enough to drink that he was able to relax sufficiently to allow Patrick’s thick cock to be fully sheathed inside him. 

“Shit…fuck…oh  _god..._ ” Patrick dug his fingertips into David’s thigh as he growled and found a comfortable rhythm.  

David’s arms were tightly wrapped around Patrick’s neck. The marble counter was ice cold against his skin and his tailbone kept smashing into it with the force of Patrick’s movements. He was relishing every second Patrick spent pumping inside him. He’d had so many partners. Some were more skilled than others, but not a single one of them fucked like Patrick. Fucking David was a drug and Patrick was an addict.  

“I’m gonna fucking cum...I love fucking your tight ass. Jesus _Christ,_ David...” 

“Shhh! Someone will hear us!” David said in a hushed voice. He bit his lip almost hard enough to break the skin. He was hoping a bit of pain might help him stifle the glass-shattering moans he was holding back. 

“Don't care,” Patrick replied. Knowing the reception was in full swing on the other side of the door made it so hot. He couldn’t remember if David had locked the door – or indeed if there was a lock on the door at all. Thinking that someone could walk in and catch them at any moment made Patrick pump his hips even harder. David was finding it significantly more difficult to keep quiet. 

Patrick looked up and realized they were in front of a mirror. He exhaled hard and grabbed his cock by the root as he pulled out. David’s look of confusion only lasted for a moment; it quickly became abundantly clear what was about to happen.  

The first time he’d had sex in front of a mirror was weird. In truth, so was the second time. It was one of those mildly kinky things Patrick really liked. He didn’t have any real objections to it and eventually David grew more confident and liked it just as much.  David caught sight of his reflection once Patrick pulled him off the counter and turned him around. With his palms flat on the countertop, David arched his back. He shuddered almost violently when Patrick was back inside him. 

Patrick gripped the spot where David’s neck met his shoulder with one hand and his hip with the other. They looked in the mirror, watching each other. A gorgeous flush painted their faces, David’s lips were red and slightly swollen. Patrick felt like he was going to burst every time David moaned; every time his eyes rolled back.  

“I want you to cum baby...” He moaned. 

“No, you first...” David replied. 

 _Whack._  

The collision of Patrick’s hand against David’s ass was nearly enough to make him erupt.  

“ _Fuck!”_  

“Do as I say,” Patrick commanded.  

As far as David was concerned, bringing out the dormant dom that was hidden deep in Patrick’s personality was one of his greatest achievements in their relationship. 

David was moaning without any regard for what might happen if they were overheard. He fucked his fist to the blistering pace his husband had set for him. He teetered on the edge of ecstasy with every motion. 

“Oh god...oh god...oh _fuck_...” 

David collapsed forward, exhausted from the sheer ferocity of the experience. The combination of watching David’s face contort in pleasure, the agony of not having had sex for a week and feeling David tighten up around his cock made Patrick cry out. He came with David’s name on his lips. 

The room was full of the scent of their lovemaking. It was an intoxicant. But for the lack of reliable privacy, they both could have probably gone another round. David cleaned himself up using a package of baby wipes Stevie had in her messenger bag; it’s what she always used to remove her make-up.  

He turned in time to see Patrick pulling the condom off and he tossed it into the trash can. If not for the ghastly-tasting lubricant Trojan used in their condoms, David would have considered taking it from Patrick and emptying the contents into his mouth. It was among the most depraved thoughts that had ever crossed his mind and he couldn’t wait to tell Patrick about it later. Suddenly, something occurred to him; he thought for a second, then raised an eyebrow. 

“You planned this whole thing out, didn’t you? You knew I'd want to come back here. We don’t use condoms, yet you had one with you.” 

Patrick grinned, looking mischievous and not at all guilty. 

“Hey, you know I was a Venturer. Always prepared.” He winked. 

David returned the grin and as he stepped close enough to wrap one arm around Patrick’s neck, he stroked his cock with his free hand. Patrick shuddered and gasped quietly. 

He grabbed David’s ass with both hands and kissed him. He moved his mouth to David’s neck and took the opportunity to whisper in his ear. 

“I brought the condom just in case I got to fuck my husband at our wedding reception. I didn’t want my cum running down your leg when we said good night to everybody.” 

A choked, yet still audible cry croaked out of David’s throat.  

They didn’t speak and barely touched as they composed themselves and dressed. In truth, if Patrick’s fingernail had touched David, he would have dropped straight to his knees. They returned to their reception a few minutes later, slightly disheveled but ready to enjoy the remainder of the evening. 


End file.
